Obama Steps in the DIVERSITY POOP

When someone unintentionally says or does something dumb and offensive - like President Obama did on Jay Leno’s show recently when he compared his bad bowling score to something out of the Special Olympics - I call it “stepping in the diversity poop.”  We all do this from time to time – we open our mouths and say something (usually trying to be funny) about race, gender, disability or one of a thousand other diversity issues, without thinking about who might be offended.  It’s a very common mistake, and in most cases, the offense caused is completely unintentional.

Now, obviously, the President didn’t mean to offend anyone. And apparently, he called the Chair of the Special Olympics to apologize even before the show aired.  Good for him.

Apologizing is the right move when you step in the diversity poop; it’s the appropriate “clean up” of a mess of your own making. I’ve been recommending “apologies” to my clients and audiences for many years:  partly because there’s some serious data out there on emotional intelligence that indicates that people who apologize for their own mistakes are usually held in higher esteem by others; and also because apologizing is simply the right thing to do.  There’s even more data around corporate apologies, in other words when a company takes responsibility for a screw-up, its stock – both tangible (Wall St) and intangible (media and investor/consumer confidence) – goes back up.

People who don’t want to apologize after stepping in the diversity poop usually say that an apology is unnecessary, that “it’s no big deal,” or “people are too sensitive,” or they’re sick and tired of everyone being so “politically correct.”  This is just excuse-making.  In reality, they’re embarrassed, and  like a teenager who blames everyone but themselves, they lack the maturity to “own” their mistakes. So, they compound the problem by refusing to clean up their poop, pissing others off as a result. Not good.

The trick to apologizing, of course, is how you do it.  An insincere apology – where the person may say the words “I’m sorry,” but clearly doesn’t mean it, will only make matters worse.  You can spot this “false apology” from a great distance.  Usually, the word “but” will be very prominent, such as “I’m sorry you we’re offended by my joke, BUT I was just trying to lighten the mood around here.”  Like the person who says everyone is too politically correct, the false apologizer usually wants to ascribe what they consider to be a reasonable justification for their offensive behavior; or s/he attempts to make the case that their good “intention” was misunderstood.

A true apology has three steps, and each one involves a high degree of “ownership.”  Step 1. “owning” the mistake without equivocation, as in “I screwed up.” Step 2. Owning the impact of the mistake, in other words “What I said/did was offensive/hurtful, etc.” and lastly, Step 3: owning the solution, i.e. “I’m going to make sure I don’t say/do something like that again.”  In most cases, this three step apology is all that is needed when cleaning up the diversity poop.  Usually, the response you’ll get is “Don’t worry about it,” or “Thanks for the apology.”  Forgiveness is not something one should expect, although it often is given after a sincere apology.

I’m pretty sure President Obama’s apology to Tim Shriver, the Chair of the Special Olympics, followed the three step “ownership” model.  I’m not sure what Shriver said in response, but I’m guessing it was something like “thank you for the apology.”  That’s about all anyone – including the President of the United States – can and should hope for when they step in the diversity poop.