The Last Acceptable Prejudice

A few weeks ago I had lunch with an acquaintance: an educated, sophisticated young man in his early 20’s who had joined the military.  During some idle chatter about all sorts of things, he casually referred to a group of male colleagues he didn’t know personally as “a bunch of homos.”

I was surprised by the remark in general, but I was also taken aback because the comment came out of thin air and had nothing to do with what we were talking about.  He had no idea that I’m a diversity expert, and so I’m certain he wasn’t trying to provoke me. Yet, for some reason, he still felt he needed to say it.

My assumption is that – even though he knew I was straight - it had something to do with trying to make sure I knew that he wasn’t a homosexual.  Or perhaps he just wanted to slam that particular group (they were from a different branch of the military after all) and calling them “homos” was, in his mind, the easiest way to put them down.

To be honest, I’m a bit annoyed with myself for not calling him on it; for not – at least - asking him why he felt the need to say it.  I think I also should’ve asked him what exactly he has against homosexuals.  But then again, I probably know the answer; “they're immoral,” or “sick,” or “banned by the Bible,” are the usual excuses for hate speech against this particular group of people.

What he and so many people don’t seem to know is that there are probably 25 million homosexuals and transgender people in this country (and no, they all don’t live in San Francisco).  99% of them – just like the general population - are good, decent, caring, hard-working people who just want to live their lives and be who they are without fear of assault or attack.  And it’s very likely at least one of them is a relative, co-worker or good friend of each of the remaining 300 million heterosexuals.  If we really think about it for just a moment – do we really want to say hate-filled things about our relatives, co-workers and friends just because it’s OK in our society to take those cheap shots?

And yet - very, very often I hear people, especially high school students, put each other down by saying “that’s so gay,” or “you’re so gay” even though they have friends or relatives who are gay.

Like many people, when I hear stuff like this, I cringe. But almost always I’ve failed to step up and say something.  And each time I ask myself why I don’t.  Then I recall what a good friend of mine, who is gay, says regularly: “Openly hating homosexuals is the last acceptable prejudice in this country.”  He’s right.  Aside from the bloated, drug-addicted felon otherwise known as the unfunny comedian Rush Limbaugh, very few people will openly spout hate-filled things about blacks, Asians, Latinos, Jews or women.  But, when the talk turns to homosexuals, quite a few people who consider themselves open-minded and “tolerant” have something negative to say – and generally they say it with impunity.

So, why am I bringing this up now at the end of the year?  Because I’ve just made myself a New Year’s resolution: from here on, when someone talks trash about homosexuals, I’m going to get up my courage and say something.  Not quite sure what I’ll say, but I’ll give it my best shot.

Battling the last acceptable prejudice in this country isn’t going to be easy and I can’t do it alone.  So, I’m wondering: would you be willing to make the same New Year’s resolution?

Comments

[PS Perkins]

Hi Gregg,

Not sure its the last acceptable prejudice...overweight individuals are really taking a beating these days! However, the programming is deep and unless people come face to face with their "ownership" of such ignorance and the irreparable harm it does to THEM, we can chastise until we are blue in the face (and for me that's a long time :-)

Keep up the good work Gregg! People's minds are opening up to their own stuff.

P.S. Perkins
Founder & CEO
Human Communication Institute, LLC

[Mark Schall]

I agree with Ms. Perkins about overweight people taking a beating. A friend of mine who is a health and wellness coach pointed that out to me recently as well. And as a Gay man living in NYC, I see how so many Gay men treat each other based on body type. It's considered a cardinal sin to be overweight and Gay. It's awful that our community behaves that way.

Anyway, at least overweight people can get married in this country, and don't have things like California's Proposition (H)8 being passed against them! And if they did, there would be an even bigger uproar about it, and I don't think the Mormon Church would have tried to raise any money to help it pass.

I know an 18 year old young man who is Mormon, and hasn't seen his family in 2 years. They disowned him when he came-out as Gay, and told him to leave home (at 16) so that they wouldn't be excommunicated from the Mormon Church. He did. Many in his situation end up prostituting themselves on the streets in order to have money to eat and survive. They then end up turning to drugs and end up HIV-positive. Fortunately in his case, he has not done that. He is far from home (thankfully for him), living in a supervised housing situation for homeless youth, receiving job training, pay for work, and acquiring skills so he can get a job and support himself, and have the life his parents tried to take away from him in their own self-interest.

I don't know of any other group of people that face that kind of treatment from their families simply because they are overweight or even obese. Gay teens face ostracism in far greater numbers than any group and are three times more likely to commit suicide than their straight counterparts. I don't know any overweight people who were thrown out of their homes for being overweight, or even obese.

So while I agree that overweight folks do take an unfortunate, unjust and unfair beating, they aren't murdered for being overweight, they aren't thrown out of their homes for it, they aren't told by their churches that they are sinners and going to hell for it, and they aren't having any legislation passed against them by frightened, misguided "religious" conservatives and stupid legislators.