The Wave

The Last Acceptable Prejudice

A few weeks ago I had lunch with an acquaintance: an educated, sophisticated young man in his early 20’s who had joined the military.  During some idle chatter about all sorts of things, he casually referred to a group of male colleagues he didn’t know personally as “a bunch of homos.”

I was surprised by the remark in general, but I was also taken aback because the comment came out of thin air and had nothing to do with what we were talking about.  He had no idea that I’m a diversity expert, and so I’m certain he wasn’t trying to provoke me. Yet, for some reason, he still felt he needed to say it.

My assumption is that – even though he knew I was straight - it had something to do with trying to make sure I knew that he wasn’t a homosexual.  Or perhaps he just wanted to slam that particular group (they were from a different branch of the military after all) and calling them “homos” was, in his mind, the easiest way to put them down.

To be honest, I’m a bit annoyed with myself for not calling him on it; for not – at least - asking him why he felt the need to say it.  I think I also should’ve asked him what exactly he has against homosexuals.  But then again, I probably know the answer; “they're immoral,” or “sick,” or “banned by the Bible,” are the usual excuses for hate speech against this particular group of people.

What he and so many people don’t seem to know is that there are probably 25 million homosexuals and transgender people in this country (and no, they all don’t live in San Francisco).  99% of them – just like the general population - are good, decent, caring, hard-working people who just want to live their lives and be who they are without fear of assault or attack.  And it’s very likely at least one of them is a relative, co-worker or good friend of each of the remaining 300 million heterosexuals.  If we really think about it for just a moment – do we really want to say hate-filled things about our relatives, co-workers and friends just because it’s OK in our society to take those cheap shots?

And yet - very, very often I hear people, especially high school students, put each other down by saying “that’s so gay,” or “you’re so gay” even though they have friends or relatives who are gay.

Like many people, when I hear stuff like this, I cringe. But almost always I’ve failed to step up and say something.  And each time I ask myself why I don’t.  Then I recall what a good friend of mine, who is gay, says regularly: “Openly hating homosexuals is the last acceptable prejudice in this country.”  He’s right.  Aside from the bloated, drug-addicted felon otherwise known as the unfunny comedian Rush Limbaugh, very few people will openly spout hate-filled things about blacks, Asians, Latinos, Jews or women.  But, when the talk turns to homosexuals, quite a few people who consider themselves open-minded and “tolerant” have something negative to say – and generally they say it with impunity.

So, why am I bringing this up now at the end of the year?  Because I’ve just made myself a New Year’s resolution: from here on, when someone talks trash about homosexuals, I’m going to get up my courage and say something.  Not quite sure what I’ll say, but I’ll give it my best shot.

Battling the last acceptable prejudice in this country isn’t going to be easy and I can’t do it alone.  So, I’m wondering: would you be willing to make the same New Year’s resolution?

Sticky & Stickier Fools

As the author of Bad Behavior, People Problems & Sticky Situations, I’ve been watching the whole mess around Governor Blagojevich knowing that sooner or later I’d feel compelled to weigh in.  It’s later.

First off, the Governor should resign, not necessarily because his behavior teeters on the edge of blatant corruption, but more because he’s been and continues to be a fool.

Everyone – yes everyone! - knows that “pay to play” is extraordinarily common in politics (hell, in Washington DC it’s a parlor game as old as gin rummy).  But almost everyone, excluding perhaps the Governor and his wife, is aware that it’s simply bad form to openly discuss the practice with casual acquaintances and other “emissaries” who are desperate to curry favor.

Our great nation has a documented history of high figures stooping very low for personal financial gain.  But lately it seems that everyone is getting into the act by hitting new nadirs in the most egregious manner: executives at AIG, politicians, even Presidents of prestigious universities.

Since it’s entirely possible that every candidate I ever supported engaged in some kind of pay-to-play practice, there’s no point in me condemning it.  It is what it is.  But I do condemn people for being total fools about it.

Blagojevich was foolish when he blatantly tried to auction off Obama’s vacant Senate seat, and he continues to be a fool by not apologizing and stepping out of the way of the political and legal juggernaut thundering down on him. Former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer – caught with his hand in the prostitution cookie jar - was being foolish too. But he wasn’t brought down so much by pay-to-play but by what I’ll call pay-and-play (and pretend that he’s a moral leader above reproach). And in another variation of the game, it’s pretty clear that Governor Palin was involved in a kind of ideological play-or-pay scheme, in which those who didn’t play nice with the Governor (and her husband) paid the price with their jobs.

So when it comes to playing around… birds do it, bees do it, even educated sleazebags do it.  Let’s admit it, manage it, and even try to tamp down on it.  But for everyone’s sake, let’s at least try not to be fools about it.

Cutting Back the Wrong Things at the Wrong Time

It's very typical during economic hard times for companies to cut back on what senior management considers "fluff" or "nice-to-have's" like training or R&D efforts.  "We've got to cut down to the bone and survive," they say, "We can always do training in better times." But according to the management guru, Tom Peters, this is exactly the wrong way to go:

"Instant, mindless cutting of R&D or training or sales-force travel in the face of a downturn is often counterproductive - or, rather, downright stupid. Tough times are in fact golden opportunities to get the drop, and the long term drop at that, on those who respond to bad news by panicky across-the-board slash and burn tactics and moves that de-motivate and alienate the workforce at exactly the wrong moment."

Among all management gurus, Tom Peters is most associated with managing during bad economic times. His "In Search of Excellence" was published amid the sharp recession of 1982, and "Thriving on Chaos" debuted on Black Monday in 1987. On TomPeters.com, he recently wrote about running a business in a time of "significant and sustained economic disarray."

Peters is essentially arguing that slash-and-burn cutting is incredibly counter-productive: it demoralizes employees, devalues the work of so many important people and negatively impacts productivity.  Instead, continuing to fund training - especially training on how to manage people and processes through a tough economy - will provide employees with new insights and ideas, invigorating them and the company.

I've always said "when times are tough, people get tough on each other."  So instead of cutting back, give them the training and tools they need to cut each other some slack, work together and bring success to the company.

 
 

If the Holiday Party Must Go On - 7 Tips for Success

Given the economy, rising unemployment and the bad press that any company risks if it throws a holiday bash for its employees and customers; it’s no surprise that many companies are canceling their parties this year.

But, if your company decides to go ahead with a party, it’s a good idea to remember that high stress from falling revenue, the lack of bonuses and alcohol don’t mix very well.  Someone, even a very good employee, is likely to have a little too much to drink and loudly say or do something really negative about the company, its leadership or someone at the party.  Not good.

Even without alcohol, the party conversation is likely to turn to the gloomy things that are on everyone’s minds (see the above list).  This could turn the whole event into a huge “downer” from which everyone will leave very early. Double not good and very disappointing for the staff who worked so hard to put it all together.

Frankly, I hope I’ve scared you into rethinking having a party. However, if the holiday party must go on, here are seven tips for minimizing the risk of an embarrassing, upsetting incident…

1.      Don’t serve alcohol; don’t permit anyone to bring alcohol.  Take the alcohol away if anyone brings it; tell them they’ll get it back at the end of the party.

2.      If there must be alcohol, limit it to beer and wine and provide attendees with two tickets which they can exchange for no more than two drinks.  Ensure a responsible adult is watching the booze consumption. Have plenty of non-alcoholic beverages on hand.  Assume someone will drink more than they should and be prepared to ask them to leave or call them a cab.

3.      Change the Time.  Many holiday parties start in the late afternoon or evening – in other words “cocktail hour.”  Assuming you’ve decided NOT to have alcohol, why not make it a lunchtime party and give everyone the afternoon off once the party is done? Now that’s a nice little present everyone will enjoy.

4.      Designate “mood” monitors.  Ask a few respected and emotionally intelligent folks to walk around, listen in on conversations and monitor the mood of the party.  If they sense anyone going seriously negative about anything other than the local sports teams, they should step in and steer the conversation in a new direction, or gently pull Mr. or Ms. Negativity out of there.

5.      Hire Good Live Music.  Give attendees something to focus on rather than each other.  If there’s a band, a quartet, or even a solo guitarist, attendees who are anxious about saying, doing or hearing the wrong thing, are more likely to pay attention to the music.  Of course, there will always be people who ignore the music and talk right over it – mood monitors have their work cut out for them.

6.      Avoid Big Speeches.  Nothing sours a party faster than somebody giving some long-winded speech, especially if it’s laced with platitudes and false-positives about how everything is going to be all right.  Best to do a few toasts to family and friends and leave it at that.  Or, if someone must speak, ask someone really wise and thoughtful to make a few trenchant comments that will help everyone put this negative economy into perspective.

7.      Cancel the Party; Give everyone the afternoon off instead.

Happy Holidays!