A few weeks ago I had lunch with an acquaintance: an educated, sophisticated young man in his early 20’s who had joined the military. During some idle chatter about all sorts of things, he casually referred to a group of male colleagues he didn’t know personally as “a bunch of homos.”
I was surprised by the remark in general, but I was also taken aback because the comment came out of thin air and had nothing to do with what we were talking about. He had no idea that I’m a diversity expert, and so I’m certain he wasn’t trying to provoke me. Yet, for some reason, he still felt he needed to say it.
My assumption is that – even though he knew I was straight - it had something to do with trying to make sure I knew that he wasn’t a homosexual. Or perhaps he just wanted to slam that particular group (they were from a different branch of the military after all) and calling them “homos” was, in his mind, the easiest way to put them down.
To be honest, I’m a bit annoyed with myself for not calling him on it; for not – at least - asking him why he felt the need to say it. I think I also should’ve asked him what exactly he has against homosexuals. But then again, I probably know the answer; “they're immoral,” or “sick,” or “banned by the Bible,” are the usual excuses for hate speech against this particular group of people.
What he and so many people don’t seem to know is that there are probably 25 million homosexuals and transgender people in this country (and no, they all don’t live in San Francisco). 99% of them – just like the general population - are good, decent, caring, hard-working people who just want to live their lives and be who they are without fear of assault or attack. And it’s very likely at least one of them is a relative, co-worker or good friend of each of the remaining 300 million heterosexuals. If we really think about it for just a moment – do we really want to say hate-filled things about our relatives, co-workers and friends just because it’s OK in our society to take those cheap shots?
And yet - very, very often I hear people, especially high school students, put each other down by saying “that’s so gay,” or “you’re so gay” even though they have friends or relatives who are gay.
Like many people, when I hear stuff like this, I cringe. But almost always I’ve failed to step up and say something. And each time I ask myself why I don’t. Then I recall what a good friend of mine, who is gay, says regularly: “Openly hating homosexuals is the last acceptable prejudice in this country.” He’s right. Aside from the bloated, drug-addicted felon otherwise known as the unfunny comedian Rush Limbaugh, very few people will openly spout hate-filled things about blacks, Asians, Latinos, Jews or women. But, when the talk turns to homosexuals, quite a few people who consider themselves open-minded and “tolerant” have something negative to say – and generally they say it with impunity.
So, why am I bringing this up now at the end of the year? Because I’ve just made myself a New Year’s resolution: from here on, when someone talks trash about homosexuals, I’m going to get up my courage and say something. Not quite sure what I’ll say, but I’ll give it my best shot.
Battling the last acceptable prejudice in this country isn’t going to be easy and I can’t do it alone. So, I’m wondering: would you be willing to make the same New Year’s resolution?
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